Love Holds Anger

“You know how big love is? Love is big. love can hold anger; love can even hold hatred.”-Alice Walker

Love Holds Anger

by Carmen H Gray

My heart is so big

It can consume your anger

And his and hers and theirs, too

Give it to me

I will pump it through

The dark velvet territory

Churn it and spin it

Reshape it

And give it back to you

Melted, fluid like honey

To drip through your

Pretty fingers

Too elusive for you

To hold any more



“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”-Anais Nin


by Carmen H Gray

The placidity of stillness

Reshaped by the slightest gesture

Like a thousand ripples

In expanding water

A flickering rustle

A movement of life

Stirring and changing

The placidity of stillness



 “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”-Anaïs Nin

Life sends us signals to let go, open ourselves up to new opportunities and see new vantage points constantly.  But choosing to live like this involves courage, fearlessness, a leap of faith and purposeful decisions.  So many times it is easier to remain safe and in a rote dream rather than self-possessed and on fire.  On fire and wide awake in life.






Today was a beautiful day.  We were able to finally reunite these two young warrior girls together and revisit their parallel journeys with lymphoma this summer/fall/winter.  What a mighty love I could feel among our families.  We are neighbors, after all.  We have seen each other sporadically at the neighborhood pool in past summers.  Our community brought us back together through emails during our struggles.  Today we shared laughter, smiles and some watery eyes in person at long last.

Later, as I lay day dreaming, a bright light revealed a small movement from my peripheral vision.  I took a closer look to see a bright red ladybug crawling delicately on a piece of artwork on the wall.  It was hibernating in the warmth inside from the cold days of winter.  Hibernating, but still strong and vibrant.  What a smile it left upon my face.



“Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.”

-From A Psalm of Life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In our society there is so much pressure to be “successful”, to “win”, to be “perfect” and to expect the same of our children.  Cancer has taught me to let go of these quixotic fallacies because they only lead to a lifetime of disappointment and stress. I am returning to my true nature of intuition, instinct, acceptance.  Acceptance is not defeat.  It is moving where the current takes you.  It is becoming one with that energy.