Transformational Journeys. Shedding of the Old Self. Feeling like I am underwater and in a detached world from the Ordinary world. All of these recorded moments from previous journals are part of a process of Ego Death, a monumental internal shift of perception.I am not there yet and I am not sure I’ll ever quite be there, but this experience of suffering has invited me into a place of healing. My children unintentionally remind me of this. On Friday afternoon I was taking Pierce to a doctor appointment and we were running late because the high school couldn’t locate him easily as he was working on a film set for his AV class. This caused us to be late to the appointment and I called ahead to let them know and was told, “okay, we’ll see what we will do if you don’t make it on time”. I was frustrated because I had taken time off from school and worked hard to get him to the appointment on time. Pierce said to me gently, “Mom, I’m sorry that this is causing you stress, but you have to think of them, too. They have appointments they have to keep. We aren’t the only ones seeing the doctor and they have to keep a schedule.” Yes. I am not the only one in the universe, he is right. I just let go of the energy and decided it would all work out somehow and I smiled at my now 16 year old son and just took a deep breath. The doctor called us back while we were in transit and told us that they could shift us to an appointment 30 minutes later. Everything worked out like it needed to happen.
I dreamed last night that we were in pediatric surgeon’s office for the appointment for Ava. He was feeling the spot on Ava that needed to be assessed. He was able to take it out without any harm done to her. Suddenly in the dream I was in another recurring dream that I have of climbing different stairways. However, this time I saw my Uncle Greg (who died of Pancreatic cancer not too long ago) and waved to him and he smiled at me his mischievous Uncle Greg smile. I kept climbing stairs to the same place, a place very far away that I have traveled before in this dream. Getting to this place is not easy and I get lost, but I finally arrived. Then I was back with the doctor in his office and he told me that it was just scar tissue and the cancer cells were gone. And Ava smiled a great smile of joy.