a place to ponder metamorphosis, a place to share experiences, a place to witness growth "That it will never come again is what makes life sweet" -Emily Dickinson
drawing by Carmen H Gray
The Rich Deep Tones of A Cello
by Carmen H Gray
I’ve heard it in my dreams
As if he called to me
His voice in that same living tone
Of her beloved instrument
The sound waves echoing from our distant past
An expanding ripple of spheres
That reach across time
Pausing to recapture
The rich, deep tones of a cello
That hold so many memories
She ordered resin today
The parentheses have had their moment
I feel the exhaling of one hundred breaths
art & poem by Carmen H Gray
Harbinger of Truth
Night Scout
Spirit of the hidden realms
You called out
Before dayspring with its auspicious, tender light
Caught me, heedless in my faraway flight
Who? Who? You asked
And I heard the question
Though I found no origin
Surrounding my perception
What were you foraging?
So attentive to the starkness
A keen awareness to the rustling
Of flight wings in darkness
Harbinger of Truth
Night Scout leave-taking
Giving me pause
As dawn was breaking
Benediction with a farewell sigh
As you moved swiftly
Into the violet-gray sky
Art & Poem by Carmen H Gray
I wrote the poem below 25 years ago. Found it today rummaging through old things this morning and it inspired a self-portrait. Although I am quite sensitive/empathic, in all these subsequent years, but especially in the last 5 ones, I have learned how to shore up my psychic boundaries, practice self-care and self-compassion. This has created a firmer foundation for me to explore who I am and what I feel, apart from others around me. It has led me to shed the burdens that I have allowed others to place upon me. In other words, I have a better sense of me. I read this poem now and realize, I no longer feel these emotions. I absolutely can and do sense the grief and heaviness in others, especially I can tap into this during my reiki sessions with my clients. I hear the feelings/experiences that are present in their subconscious. But, there is no need for me to take on another person’s healing process now. I am there to reflect it, but not to feel it for them. For my own healing unfolded, and for this I am grateful.
Dark Night
To be alert and eyes wide open,
Heart exposed, vulnerable organ that it is,
Is to be both cursed and blessed.
But it is the only way to truly be
To truly live, and see and feel and die.
As I witness sad souls beat down in this world,
My heart feels heavy with the weight of their sorrows
How insignificant it may be, that in my life
I am present when your restless soul seeks
The warmth of another, reaching, hands outstretched, searching, searching…
How common that I mourn for you
When nights are long and painful
The senses are heightened
For every smell is sickening
And even silence is too loud
How simple to share moments of despair
When a blanket of nothingness surrounds you
Groping, blindly for hope
Hope, hope…this is what will save us
Returning to our human condition
Sharing our dark night of the soul
*art and poem by Carmen M Gray
Length of a Day
Dormant slumber
Amidst the hushed quietude
Stillness holds a transformative potency
Like the young century old trees
And the watchful view of the Stag
Bathed in the faintest moonrise light
All of us captive
To the sun
Telling us to lean into
The length of the day
Art and Poetry by Carmen H Gray
Autumn
The clouds opened up in October
Fay beings in my garden
All of the old souls summoned from the cold, misty northlands
Landing hither and thither
On that one flower that overshadows me
It grew from seed, you never know what will happen
When you send seeds forth
Into their future states of being
One might become
The one that surpasses you
To stand in that hushed intermission
Of fluttering souls
All Soul’s ShadowSelves
On a steady path south
To a mountain where I have lingered in this lifetime
art and poem by Carmen H Gray
Tenderly she rivers the night sky
With petals in place of feathers
She moves in body and soul
All strings and stars expanding
Impermeable and eternal
Creation cradled to heart
Beating softly in the enveloped song of Humanity
They are vast as the sky together
Wider than infinite time
Encompassing the yet to be
*Art by Pierce Gray
Fire and Roses
by Carmen Gray
God is a Woman
-Why?
Because women give birth to life
-Goodnight, my child
I love you
-I love you more
Why is it taking so long to get there?
-I made a wrong turn
It’s okay, even mommies make mistakes
-It doesn’t matter if you win the competition
I don’t want to beat him. He’s my friend
-I love you
I love you more
-Is everything okay?
Time goes so fast, I want it to slow down
-Everything will be alright. We’ll get through it
It hurts. Fuck this life
-It does. I’m sorry
Sometimes I don’t want to wake up
-Sometimes I don’t, either
I’m so mad at you. I hate you
-I’m so mad at you, too.
I’m not going to finish school for anyone else
-Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself
I will
-Is that a tattoo?
I want to be a tattoo artist
-Put one on me
I want to head West
-I bought you a ticket
I’m scared
-Keep going. I believe in you
I love you
-I love you more
I got a job here!
-I knew you would
I’m sorry if I said mean things to you before
-I’m sorry if I didn’t do everything right
Mom? You’re the gardener, tell me which is best?
-So glad you called me! I like the Ladybug fertilizer
Did you know the female plant is the one with the power? Makes sense, right?
-Yeah, it does
I love you
-I love you more
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.”-Emily Dickinson
Avalina’s Tree
By Carmen H Gray
Once upon a time
You and I took a brush
To the back of your door
And created a haven for colorful birds
To rest and flitter about
A world for your mind to step into
When you were young
Avalina, my child in flight
Always traversing new territory
A Beautiful Facade
by Carmen H Gray
Smash it to pieces
The False Face
You wear
To hide
The soft underbelly
The Shadow Self
Rather, the Real Self
We are all Hypocrites
Underneath
The Perfect Portrait
The paint on the canvas
You find
A blank space
The undeveloped opacity
Of newness
And boundless possibility
I took my son and his friend to Half Price Books so they could spend some Christmas money during the after Christmas holiday sale (everything was 20% off). They were having fun searching for albums….vinyl is making such a huge comeback…..good thing we held onto some albums and a very cool vintage turntable for all these years. What goes around comes back around eventually.
While I was perusing the R&B section, I listened to a guy go on and on to his friend about how much he loved Sade and a couple of other artists. I found myself next to him at the register when we were checking out. I overheard him ask the cashier to hold onto his scores until the 31st, when he would get paid. They weren’t that much (to me), but to him they were and he seemed so happy about finding them. He walked off to go read a book. I asked the cashier to bring over the albums on hold and she told me, “oh, we can’t sell those, they are on hold for someone.” “But I want to buy them for him.” “oh, oh….I get it”, she smiled. My son and his friend said, “do you know that guy? What are you doing?”. “She’s paying it forward, guys,” the cashier told them. We walked over to the unsuspecting man. “Merry Belated Christmas!” I told him and handed him his present. “What? You got these for me? Thank you so much!” He smiled a fabulous smile and hugged me. On the walk back to the car my son and his friend said, “that was awesome!” “yes, it was”, I told them, “Life is circular, like a record. What goes around, comes around. Be kind.”….and besides, I love Sade.
