Life Twice, Again

Life Twice, Again

by Carmen H Gray

Life twice, by and by

The want, the wonder, the frivolous why

The comings and goings of faraway ships

Silvery musings forming inside of my lips

Lips that once whispered youthful utterings

While inside my belly where once there were flutterings

A light has broken and shapes appeared in its whiteness

The child, the maiden, the wistful ripeness

And their shadows, no doubt, holding space in the stillness

Therein is where I find myself inhabiting realness

All of the cuts and the sharp words that wished to be said

Rose up to greet my heart gently, without fear or dread

And, I, having lived a singular moment twice

Embraced those shadows in my paradise

 

 

 

 

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by Carmen H Gray 

the waves lapped at the shore

industrial waste in a place

where freshwater meets saltwater

the bright sky viewing a town that feels like a story I’ve written

like time stopped here, somewhere in the 1970’s of my childhood

and it may as well be a repeat of those chaotic times these days

except here I am, a woman now

with a daughter who can celebrate

a date that has past

and here we are

souls brined

hearts preserved

bodies intact

and this is better than any man made holy day to me

 

 

 

 

 

All That Is

All That Is

by Carmen H Gray

When you were a tiny baby

And bad things happened to good people

My heart ached

I closed my eyes and prayed to whomever

And your soft face was conjured in my mind

It gave me unadulterated peace

Separateness is an illusion

Even the photons know this

Whispering to our future selves

Planting seeds in our faraway past

So that we can arrive together

Outside of time and space

Remembering who we are again

 

Teeth

Teeth

by Carmen H Gray

I found those baby teeth today

Gathered in a shoebox full of trinkets

Stronger than bones

But once broken, they cannot heal

Which is better?

Once lost

Only a sentimental mother

Holds onto them

And finds them years later

Tokens of time passages

 

 

 

Boxes

Boxes

by Carmen H Gray

I sifted through old things in boxes today

A positive pregnancy test

A dress she wore when she was 6

Her port from the chemotherapy

Letters upon letters: “you will kick cancer’s ass”

“This sea glass reflects a light in you”

“Can I please have a bunny, mom? I want a goddamn bunny! I promise I’ll take care of it”

All things that came to pass after all

Her gratitude in the midst of hell

The list of reasons why her nurses and doctors were the kindest souls she ever knew

Wigs she wore maybe once, yet tenderly kept

Hot tears welled for all of the times I held them in

They must have been compartmentalized

Just like those things

Folded neatly to be stored and perused again

When time and good health bestowed

A moment to remember those symbolic totems

On a rainy Sunday in May

Years later

Isn’t it funny how full and empty

A cycle moves the memories

Of the brevity captured

In boxes

 

 

 

Lesson from a Peach Blossom

Lesson From a Peach Blossom

by Carmen H Gray

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Soft layers of delicate petals

Ornately displaying themselves

To the godly golden sun

Swaying hither and thither

Beckoning the bees to visit

Bursts of color to contrast

The sapphire sky

Pregnant with possibility

Of impending fruit

I like the receptivity of this season

Far away from the bigness of the world

Shrunk down into a tiny lush universe

Leaves unwrapping themselves quietly

Like the sweetest gesture of an open hand

Reminding me to absorb a honeyed briefness

 

 

 

Pieces of Her

“Arrange whatever pieces come your way”-Virginia Woolf

Pieces of Her

by Carmen H Gray

She wept

And each

Salt-filled drip

Contained pieces of her

A uniquely composed

Momentary release

Of cells on the verge of

Elapsed time

Recalling an ending

Opening the space

For the conception

Of pieces of her

Arranged by her

With her

For her

In that when

That moment dies

It is a pretty death

With liquid attendants

Saying farewell with love