“When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?”-Bob Dylan


by Carmen H Gray

Turn, turn, turn

Me around my whereabouts

I am dizzy from the spinning

I am just as confounded

As the next person

Here in this convoluted space

Where anger is the easiest


Underneath the throbbing

Is the underbelly

Of  resilient tenderness

That you guard

As if it were the frailest spot

When it is where the truth originates

Where you are repulsed

I will still find beauty

I will ascend

In spite of it all

Full of Grace

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”-Rainer Maria Rilke

Full of Grace

by Carmen H Gray

In your darkest hours

I have whispered in my mind

The words of a prayer from my childhood

Vestiges that stayed with me

From that patriarchal system

Because She is the Absolute Nurturer

 The Mother Energy with whom

My heart beats

Because I could not

Physically wrap my arms around your beauty

Nor keep the demons at bay

Nor take your anguish away


"The rest of us watch from beyond the fence
as the woman moves with her jagged stride
into her pain as if into a slow race."-Margaret Atwood

by Carmen H Gray

I heard a crack in the giant ship
That held us through the turbulent waters
Every cell inside me wanted to claim
The sticky sweetness of delicious blame
There is no end to the darkness
Only moments of respite 
Like the glints of sunlight on the darkest water
Like witnessing evolution in my son and my daughter
Life is a series of moments of graceful suspension
From the thorns, the suffocation, the stumbling
Like the unassuming fools that we are 
We find ourselves cast into places
Into unforeseen situations and faces
Some of us want nothing more 
Than to point and blame what surrounds us
Some of us want only to bear the burden 
And yet there remains a way out of the dueling pain
Forgiveness is golden

Infinite Night

Acquainted With the Night

by Robert Frost

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain—and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-by;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

Leaving the Infinite Night 

by Carmen H Gray

The nightingale enchanted me

With its songs of ecstasy

The sweet sadness of loss

Enveloped my heart

I sank deep into 

The infinite night

Where I could only feel

What I could not see

Where I could scarcely hear

The faint echoes of yesteryear

I held myself captive

In the comfortable pain

Until the sun asked to rise

I, unopposed to the light

At last stepped out 

Of the Infinite night.

Exhale to Life

Exhale To Life

by Carmen H Gray

A rush of tears

Like a deluge in the summer heat

Flood my bruised heart

Cleanse my mind

The Great Exhale

That was in a holding pattern


New Life




Into me

The swelling and pain

Blue-black wound



Into a flesh tone

Of normal 


The Alchemy of Love



A crown with divine (feminine) life ascending from it; thorns pushing up against three budding red roses inside the crown.  This is the visual I put together in my head to have inked onto my lower back today.  A representation of power, feminine beauty, pain, love, and life.

The Alchemy of Love

You come to us from another world;
From beyond the stars and a void of space
Transcendent, pure – of unimaginable beauty.
Bringing with You the essence of Love.
You transform all who are touched by You –
Mundane concerns, troubles and sorrows dissolve in Your presence
Bringing joy to ruler & ruled, to peasants and kings.
You bewilder us with Your grace;
All evil is transformed into goodness.
You are the Master Alchemist!
You light the fire of Love in earth & sky,
In heart & soul of every being.
Through Your loving, existence & non-existence merge –
All opposites unite –
All that is profane becomes sacred again.