Monarca Rising

hands

February 13th, 2021

hands by Carmen H Gray

the ice was crisp and forming

on the leaves of my plants

i had tended

i knew each leaf, each flower

i could almost feel their cells,

filling with tiny shards of ice

cutting them open and destroying plant tissue

which made me grieve their deaths

but it wasn’t until i saw that man

on the side of the road

whose delicate cells were simultaneously dying

that my heart leapt outside of my chest

on this icy day

in this tale of two cities

brimming with the new Elon Musks

and the homeless, what a juxtaposition

the last part of his body i noticed

were his hands

which could have belonged to any one of us, really
The Healing House

November 18th, 2020

“Before you can hear, much less follow, the voice of your soul, you have to win back your body. You have to go on a pilgrimage beneath the skin.”
―Meggan Watterson, Reveal

The Healing House

by Carmen H Gray

one day they may come back to you

have your prepared yourself anew?

have you gone on your own pilgrimage?

have you faced your very own umbrage?

for when these lessons return to know

the breadth and depth of your adagio

this is when all is revealed

the stalwart strength in your shield

the gentle bend that did not break

regardless of the commanding quake

you will then come to find

that in the midst of all that time

the stumbles and the thorns helped form

a compelling foundation to transform

your healing home inside of you

a precious place of highest value

it never stops until you end

the effort put forth to transcend

each new lesson to teach you more

that is what a healing house is for
The Light that Pervades All Things

November 12th, 2020

“Whether you worship Christ, Krishna, Kali or Allah, you actually worship the one Light that is also in you, since It pervades all things.”

― Anandamayi Ma

The Light That Pervades All Things

by Carmen H Gray

Within you there is a light

It has a certain miraculous quality that gives it momentum

To traverse the stars

To change the course of any path

Simply by beaming

To act upon anything beyond itself

Creating dynamic evolution

You can find it in the strangest moments

Washing someone’s hair

Learning a language

Pausing to breathe

Noticing the layers in a single rose

Listening to the crickets chirping in the night

Or the frogs singing their chorus

Seeing yourself

Seeing others

In other words, living

Not just merely surviving

Lends itself to shining

The Light That Pervades All Things
Phantom Dog

September 5th, 2020

Phantom Dog

by Carmen H Gray

Why does it hurt so much?

You having to leave?

Perhaps your existence is a metaphor

Your eyes mirroring all of the humanness

That we experienced in a certain set of years

A living/dying time capsule

God gave us such creatures to teach us

How to hold space

How to pause time and embrace

A lifetime of lessons

A dog’s life being a condensed version

Some creatures are here to fast forward

And simultaneously flashback

Our perception of an era.
Teach

May 12th, 2020

Teach

by Carmen H Gray

I rushed to sort it all out: 14 years of 28 gone by

As I piled more things to the side for goodbye

There wasn’t enough time to go through it all

I glanced at the artwork, left lonely on the wall

I sighed and I conjured up all that I’d taught

And little nuances that each of us brought

To this space confined between four walls

And even beyond that, into the halls

I heard the sniffles with tears, the children who needed healing

I also heard laughter, the “hello, Ms. Gray’s,” while excitedly squealing

I packed it all up-those sights and those sounds

I headed outside to the gardens and grounds

Where the rosemary was named and the aloe was tended

Where the fig tree was climbed and fairy houses blended

Into the rocks, the acorns, and where the leaves unfurled

This is where little hands created imaginary worlds

And I kept the sadness locked up, not revealing

When my son saw me and asked how I was feeling

So I told him the school, his school, was going away

I glimpsed at his face, the boyhood cheeks gave way

To a chiseled, grown up profile

He looked at me with a smile

Though still lost in my thoughts, and feeling distracted

He gently said,

“Mama, just think of how many lives you’ve impacted”
I AM-NESS

May 7th, 2020

“The intuition of the moral sentiment is an insight of the perfection of the laws of the soul. These laws execute themselves. They are out of time, out of space, and not subject to circumstance.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I Am-Ness

by Carmen H Gray

I Am-ness is letting the whole

be made up of all Parts

The parts we wish to project

The parts we wish to protect

I Am-Ness is the absence of division

Or Duality

It is all knowing, all being, all light, all love, all truth

It is everything and nothing in the blink of an eye

It is the symbiotic receptacle of the space between space

It is loving, when it is hard to love

It is seeing from the pinnacle into the valley below

I Am-Ness is possibility that we are changing into reality
The Rich Deep Tones of A Cello

February 23rd, 2020

drawing by Carmen H Gray

The Rich Deep Tones of A Cello

by Carmen H Gray

I’ve heard it in my dreams

As if he called to me

His voice in that same living tone

Of her beloved instrument

The sound waves echoing from our distant past

An expanding ripple of spheres

That reach across time

Pausing to recapture

The rich, deep tones of a cello

That hold so many memories

She ordered resin today

The parentheses have had their moment

I feel the exhaling of one hundred breaths
From A Dream

January 19th, 2020

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”-Oscar Wilde

From A Dream

by Carmen H Gray

You and I, we made such vagaries of the mind

We called ourselves by unrelated names

And wandered into an altered world, where our ages

Were neither young nor old, nor anything in between

As if we were ageless, we were

I saw you writing and you watched me daydreaming in this distant place

I could not remember who I was anymore

As if I had disintegrated into no one, but everyone at once

And you were there to witness such an existence

What strange lives we have lived together

Thought I
Truth Teller

December 1st, 2019

art & poem by Carmen H Gray

Harbinger of Truth

Night Scout

Spirit of the hidden realms

You called out

Before dayspring with its auspicious, tender light

Caught me, heedless in my faraway flight

Who? Who? You asked

And I heard the question

Though I found no origin

Surrounding my perception

What were you foraging?

So attentive to the starkness

A keen awareness to the rustling

Of flight wings in darkness

Harbinger of Truth

Night Scout leave-taking

Giving me pause

As dawn was breaking

Benediction with a farewell sigh

As you moved swiftly

Into the violet-gray sky
Dark Night

November 28th, 2019

Art & Poem by Carmen H Gray

I wrote the poem below 25 years ago. Found it today rummaging through old things this morning and it inspired a self-portrait. Although I am quite sensitive/empathic, in all these subsequent years, but especially in the last 5 ones, I have learned how to shore up my psychic boundaries, practice self-care and self-compassion. This has created a firmer foundation for me to explore who I am and what I feel, apart from others around me. It has led me to shed the burdens that I have allowed others to place upon me. In other words, I have a better sense of me. I read this poem now and realize, I no longer feel these emotions. I absolutely can and do sense the grief and heaviness in others, especially I can tap into this during my reiki sessions with my clients. I hear the feelings/experiences that are present in their subconscious. But, there is no need for me to take on another person’s healing process now. I am there to reflect it, but not to feel it for them. For my own healing unfolded, and for this I am grateful.

Dark Night

To be alert and eyes wide open,

Heart exposed, vulnerable organ that it is,

Is to be both cursed and blessed.

But it is the only way to truly be

To truly live, and see and feel and die.

As I witness sad souls beat down in this world,

My heart feels heavy with the weight of their sorrows

How insignificant it may be, that in my life

I am present when your restless soul seeks

The warmth of another, reaching, hands outstretched, searching, searching…

How common that I mourn for you

When nights are long and painful

The senses are heightened

For every smell is sickening

And even silence is too loud

How simple to share moments of despair

When a blanket of nothingness surrounds you

Groping, blindly for hope

Hope, hope…this is what will save us

Returning to our human condition

Sharing our dark night of the soul

“Whether you worship Christ, Krishna, Kali or Allah, you actually worship the one Light that is also in you, since It pervades all things.”

― Anandamayi Ma